You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
