Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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