she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
