Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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