I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
