Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize