Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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