last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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