I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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