He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
