how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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