I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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