she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
