What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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