the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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