Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
