what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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