Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize