He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
