I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
