Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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