Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize