i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize