hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
