you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
