So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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