So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
