dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
