he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
