One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
