Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
