He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
