they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
