and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
