Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
