I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
