Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
