You really coming over, don't trick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
