he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
