I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
