It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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