all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
