Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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