I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
