Whod you bang
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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