Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
