Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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