I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
