she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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