Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
