Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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