escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
