Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
