That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize