My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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