wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
