Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
