saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this boner is exhausting
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
