Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
