it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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