my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
