I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
