I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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