I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
