We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
