Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I supernannyed him into submission
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