It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize