i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
